By Anjianie Perez
chubasquero
in brand new clothes i roam – alone, for the first time – the Island of Enchantment; no ushering
mother to act as mediator amidst me and the home of my ancestors. naivety veiled in avidity, i tread onward. budding saltwater tongue and cracked pavement footprints on the streets of San Juan in October. i will soon learn my claim to Boricua is null without my mothers. rainwater pools where patches of grass should grow. overhead: a pure white expanse, like unmarked paper, waiting for sunlight to tear through the sky. the air is humid, wet as the ground.
sweat drips from every corner – every protrusion – of my body, and i buzz knowing droplets of me will reside here after my departure.
a cocktail with every meal; rice, beans, maduro, chuleta, and tequila fill more than my belly. i motion through what locals deem mundanity, pulsing with familiar novelty fashioned as “connecting to my roots.”
on a walk to walmart: a dividing wall ornamented with graffiti – simple, straightforward,
the force of each word accentuated by their first letters:
“Gringo Go Home.”
my friends and i laugh, encroaching on the sidewalk amidst instagram stories adorned with the tagger’s instruction.
i cannot face the discomfort of acting a tourist – so i swallow it instead.
inside the walmart: i am met with stoic eyes upon asking an employee if there are any rain jackets. in Spanish i am informed she no habla inglés.
i do not know the word for rain jacket in Spanish; i never have.
i am devastated as an English-speaking colleague is beckoned to help me.
i am embarrassed as a designated friend orders food for the table
because no one else can.
i am ashamed as i realize –
i am the gringo, and this is not my home.
Anjianie Perez is a creative, a friend, and a weird little creature from a strange place called “New Jersey.” They’ve dedicated a majority of their life to music, having spent five entire semesters at university in pursuit of a degree in Music Composition, but writing has always been the backbone of their creative intuition. Anjianie is a natural born lover – of stories as well as the pulsing absurdity of the human experience. Their work has been featured in GLAZE, a student-organized zine based out of the University of Texas at Austin, and they also run a weekly online newsletter. Anjianie can most often be found consuming a plethora of artistic media all at once, drinking coffee, and spending time with their bunny named Professor.